but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
