I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
