id be glad to
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
