I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't deserve a penis
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
