At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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