My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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