i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
