i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
