went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
