i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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