the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
