we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
