Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
