I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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