how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
