Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
