Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
