I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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