last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
