if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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