Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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