I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
