That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
