I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
