Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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