I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
