I only kidnapped one of them. chill
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
