There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
