If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
