why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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