Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
