CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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