yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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