hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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