vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
