My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
