I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
