dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
