I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
