He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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