His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
