Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
