Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it's like heaven, but drunker
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
