Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
