In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
