did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
