Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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