happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
