I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
