I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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